don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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