but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
