The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
