I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
