can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
