I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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