Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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