Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
