you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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