She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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