so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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