Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
