I just made out with a guy for $7.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize