Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
