I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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