I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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