see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
