margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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