Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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