i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
