The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
