Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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