Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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