last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
