it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
