dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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