how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
