dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize