one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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