You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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