i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
