He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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