NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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