I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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