Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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