i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize