the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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