i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
