i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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