No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
