she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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