i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
