Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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