I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
