I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
