she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
