in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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