I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
