i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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