she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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