We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
