I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
