I think my fart just growled at me.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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