I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
