I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
