Pappa wants mamma naked
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
