can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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