I am spending my child support on dildos
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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