I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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