I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
