yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
