My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
