The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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