woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
