i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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