My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
