Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My ATM looks so different sober.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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