My friends, they love my intelligence
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
