It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
