I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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