a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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