She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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